Responding vs. Reacting: The Power of a Pause

Have you ever “lost your cool”? Sent an email or text you later regretted? Snapped at a coworker, spouse, friend, or child?

If so—there’s a brain-based reason for that.

In those moments, you weren’t weak or flawed. You were reacting—not responding. And neuroscience explains why.

When we feel emotionally triggered, our brain’s amygdala—responsible for detecting threats and managing our stress responses—can override the more thoughtful, reasoning part of the brain: the prefrontal cortex. This is called an amygdala hijack, a term coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman. During this hijack, our body floods with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, preparing us to fight, flee, or freeze. Rational thinking takes a back seat. Our values, goals, and long-term intentions get hijacked, too.

So how do we reclaim control? With a pause.

A pause is the space between stimulus and response—where choice lives. It may seem simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. In that moment, we can reengage the prefrontal cortex and choose how we want to show up.

Practicing the pause, especially in heated moments, isn’t easy. But it’s a skill—and like any skill, it can be strengthened with practice. And the benefits go beyond the moment: pausing strengthens emotional intelligence, builds self-regulation, increases resilience, and supports long-term relational health.

Here are two science-backed techniques to help:

1.    Box Breathing (used by Navy SEALs and athletes):

o   Inhale for 4 seconds

o   Hold for 4 seconds

o   Exhale for 4 seconds

o   Hold for 4 seconds

o   Repeat 3 times
This slows your heart rate, reduces stress, and brings your thinking brain back online.

2.    Mantra Breathing:

o   Inhale deeply into your belly and silently say “calm”

o   Exhale slowly and silently say “ease”

o   Repeat 3 times
This helps settle your nervous system and primes your brain for thoughtful response.

On a personal note—I still catch myself reacting, especially when I’m tired or overwhelmed. But when I pause, I give myself (and the people around me) a little more grace. It’s made a meaningful difference in my relationships and my well-being.

Why does this matter?

Because relationships are at the heart of well-being. As Dr. Martin Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology, reminds us: strong social connections are one of the most reliable predictors of a fulfilling life. Every time you respond rather than react, you’re investing in trust, psychological safety, and connection.

So the next time you feel tension rising, take a breath. Or two. Or three.

Create space. Choose how you want to show up.

Your relationships—and your life—may be better for it.