Sometimes We Have to Step Back to Move Forward

My daughter has been involved in musical theater for years. She’s now in seventh grade and has already participated in around twenty productions, along with various classes and training.

She loves it. She has also experienced plenty of disappointment.

Recently, she auditioned for a production she really wanted to be part of and wasn’t cast at all. She was demoralized and began questioning herself and her abilities.

It’s easy for any of us to do this. Something disappointing happens, and our attention narrows around the moment in front of us: the job we didn’t get, the opportunity we missed, the goal we haven’t reached.

Psychologists call this focalism—focusing so heavily on one event that we lose sight of everything else affecting our lives and how we feel.

Sometimes we need a balcony view.

So my daughter and I sat down and created her theater résumé. We documented her productions, training, and specialized skills—including a wild Cockney accent and a pretty killer Jennifer Coolidge impression.

Then we printed it out.

Seeing everything in one place made a difference. The audition was still disappointing, but it was no longer the whole story. It sat alongside years of learning, performing, taking risks, trying again, and growing.

She keeps a copy of the résumé handy now.

To me, this is part of resilience and grit. Resilience doesn’t require us to pretend that disappointment doesn’t hurt. Sometimes it means finding a different vantage point. Grit is continuing to show up even when things don’t go the way we hoped.

When I’m discouraged, it can help to ask: Where was I a year ago? What have I learned? What can I do now that I couldn’t do before? What have I already made it through?

This applies to careers, relationships, health goals, learning new skills, and almost any meaningful change. Progress rarely happens in a straight line. If we judge ourselves entirely by today’s outcome, we can miss how far we’ve traveled.

There is real value in paying attention to where we are. Every once in a while, though, it helps to step onto the balcony and look at the larger story.

Sometimes we have to step back before we can move forward.