Understanding the Emotional Bank Account

Relationships are one of the most important—if not the most important—currencies in life. Much of my work centers on helping people clarify the vision, values, and goals they want to move toward, as well as the people they want to stay connected to along the way. At the heart of all of this is connection.

One concept that has always resonated with me is Franklin Covey’s idea of the Emotional Bank Account. Much like a financial bank account, we each carry emotional accounts with the people in our lives. Others can make deposits into those accounts—or withdrawals from them—through everyday interactions. An underlying theme of my work is cultivating a mindset where we aim to make deposits as often as possible, and make withdrawals only intentionally and when truly necessary. Just as with money, we want our emotional balance to grow, appreciating deposits and being thoughtful about when and why we withdraw.

Making deposits begins with an open mindset—one that asks, What matters to this person? rather than defaulting to what we would want or what has worked for us in the past. It’s a shift from individual gain to mutual benefit. Over time, these deposits compound. Relationships deepen. We become more connected, interdependent, compassionate, and generous.

Research strongly supports this idea. A large body of evidence shows that relationships are foundational to well-being. The Harvard Study of Adult Development—the longest-running study on happiness—has found that the quality of our relationships is the single strongest predictor of long-term health, happiness, and longevity. Strong, close connections protect against loneliness, support better physical and mental health, help preserve cognitive function, and even buffer against chronic disease—more so than wealth, fame, or genetics.

Of course, withdrawals are inevitable. On their own, they aren’t catastrophic—especially if the emotional balance is high. In fact, you may not even notice them. The key is intentionality. When a withdrawal truly matters—when it’s aligned with your values or moves you meaningfully forward—it may be worth the temporary hit. What we want to avoid are reflexive withdrawals: automatic reactions that quietly drain the account and leave us emotionally overdrawn.

So the next time you think of a friend, colleague, loved one—or even a stranger—pause and ask yourself: What small deposit could I make in their emotional bank account today?

You may find that in doing so, you become far richer yourself.